How to Stop Time by Matt Haig
Psychological visibility, avoiding pain, and purpose in How to Stop Time, an urban fantasy book.
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Imagine aging incredibly slowly; in fifteen years, your body ages only one. In the world of urban fantasy book How to Stop Time, this is the reality for a small group of people who call themselves albatrosses. One particularly old albatross, Hendrich, sets up a society to keep them all from being discovered by ordinary humans (whom the albatrosses nickname mayflies, due to their comparatively short lifespans). Some mayflies are scared of albatrosses; some kidnap the albatrosses for scientific research, treating them as nothing more than a means to their end of improving longevity or “the race” (in the case of the Nazis).
When we meet Tom Hazard, he’s over four hundred years old; he was born in 1581. At eighteen, he looked fourteen. The villagers he and his mother lived near noticed this oddity and accused his mother of witchcraft, drowning her as a “trial.” Terrified and grieving, he fled the village and was rescued by a pair of kind sisters. He fell in love with the older one, Rose, and told her his secret. Eventually, he and Rose had a daughter. But their neighbors once again noticed that he looked a decade or more younger than Rose, and accused him of being an enchanter or even Satan. He fled to protect his wife and daughter, but returned to see Rose before she died of the plague. She told him that their daughter, Marion, was like him—an albatross—who had run away to avoid suspicion falling on her mother the same way it had on Tom’s. He spent the next few centuries mourning Rose and hoping to find his daughter.
In 1891, Tom joined Hendrich’s Albatross Society. The Society has rules: no staying in one place for more than eight years, no seeing doctors, and—most importantly—no falling in love. The Society helps with money and paperwork in exchange for members performing certain tasks; mostly recruitment, but some less savory. Hendrich promises that the Society will help Tom find his daughter, which wins him over. He spends the next hundred and fifty years living according to the Society’s rules, bouncing between different countries, jobs, and identities. But then he meets Camille, who inspires him to rethink his whole approach to life.
Key Ideas
Psychological visibility helps us genuinely connect with others—and ourselves
Hiding from pain causes pain
Purpose makes life worth living
Psychological visibility helps us genuinely connect with others—and ourselves
Tom spends much of his time in anguish. Some of this pain is perhaps unavoidable given his long life; he has seen much change and lost many good people. But much of it comes from a deep sense of loneliness that set in after losing his mother. He struggles to find meaning without a partner or family, so his loneliness has been alleviated a few times in his life: when he made friends with other albatrosses and when he fell in love with Rose. These relationships made him feel psychologically seen, because in each case the other person understood a unique aspect of him. This psychological visibility—when another person recognizes a core aspect of ourselves—affirms who we are. When that aspect is neutral or positive and the person who recognizes it worthy of respect, this visibility strongly supports our self-esteem and forms a basis for deep bonds.
Because Tom has lived so long and played so many parts, and rarely prioritizes his own happiness, there are few constant traits in his personality. He reflects, “I am not a person. I am a crowd in one body. I was people I hated and people I admired. I was exciting and boring and happy and infinitely sad. I was both on the right and wrong side of history. I had, in short, lost myself” (106). But the few genuine moments of connection with his friends and lovers give him the strength to find himself again, to rediscover what makes his life meaningful and act accordingly. For example, he loves music and played piano for decades. But after the intensity and chaos of the 1920s and 1930s, he stopped, leaving it behind in that era. He doesn’t start again until Camille encourages him to. Though it’s a shame he very rarely plays (the piano or any of the instruments he’s picked up) except when others want him to, returning to the keys is one small part of Tom learning to stop looking over his shoulder and enjoy the present.
Hiding from pain causes pain
Tom spends much of his time avoiding the possibility of loss or rejection. Knowing that he’ll live much longer than almost any potential friend or partner, and that people might react badly to learning of his “condition,” he never gets close to anyone. But in so doing he makes himself miserable, and sometimes upsets others who are interested in getting to know him. Avoiding relationships is a defense mechanism—one with side effects. Over the course of the novel, Tom begins to absorb what he told his daughter when she was young: “He who fears he shall suffer, already suffers what he fears” (308).1 By working so hard to protect himself, he was actually sabotaging his chances at happiness. Living a full, flourishing life requires having the courage to face the possibility of pain, but preventing yourself from enjoying the richest parts of life guarantees you’ll be in pain.
Purpose makes life worth living
Tom’s lack of purpose means that, at times, he cannot see a reason to continue living. He even burns himself just to feel something. As he learns to open his heart to Camille and to put his own needs and principles above Hendrich’s fears and the resulting requirements of being in the Society, he begins to feel that life is worth living again. He may not be able to stay in his current job forever, but it’s fulfilling. Things may not work out with Camille, but at the moment they’re wonderful. Her presence is both soothing and invigorating. Tom discovers that people have the incredible ability to create purpose, and when we lack it, life lacks meaning. So the solution, when he finds himself despairing of life, is to create a new purpose.
However, this book and its main character treat that purpose as being synonymous with relationships. “What is the point of living when you have no one to live for?” Tom broods (255). Relationships can be a deep source of joy, a profound opportunity for psychological visibility, a means of sharing and strengthening your values, and an avenue for growth. All these things are important, rational values that this book admirably celebrates. But they are not the only source of joy nor the only possible center of meaning in a person’s life.
People create value that serves their lives through art, teaching, writing, scientific discovery, sports, business, and thousands of other professions and hobbies. From the janitor who enjoys the quiet satisfaction of a job well done to the musician who develops a style of playing all his own, anyone who creates value can find purpose in it. Though these often benefit other people, and many delight in the positive effect their work has on others, the work itself (and the pride of achievement) is a legitimate and worthy purpose, and such a purpose helps you make your life meaningful. Tom is an accomplished musician; it is a shame the author chose to depict him as deriving very little meaning from the thirty instruments he learned to play throughout his lifetime.
Conclusion
How to Stop Time celebrates the importance of romance and friendship, including the risk inherent in both kinds of relationships. Unfortunately, in the emphasis it places on purpose, it misses that other people are not the only meaningful source of purpose.
The character attributes the quote to Michel de Montaigne; it can be found in Charles Cotton’s translation of Montaigne’s essay “On Experience;” https://www.gutenberg.org/files/3600/3600-h/3600-h.htm.
"...it misses that other people are not the only meaningful source of purpose."
Thus speaketh the introvert.